As a teen, all I wanted was my friendships and relationships back.

Ask a teen what they want most and you might hear about the newest video game. When I started high school, I just wanted to be able to talk with my friends and family normally again.

January 4, 2016

Photo of Youth in a Solitary Cell
Jacob holding his daughter in the stairwell of their apartment building.

Jacob Rusher

Ask a teen what they want most and you might hear about the newest video game. When I started high school, I just wanted to be able to talk with my friends and family normally again.

In my teens, I went to medical lockdown (solitary) at first because of an injury to my leg. They had our water off for 3 days straight, so a few of us were angry and pounded on the doors and they charged me with inciting a riot, keeping me in solitary for 90 days.

It was 23 hours a day alone - no TV or radio. I had one book, a blanket, a mat and a toothbrush. No art materials, no hobby items— everything was considered contraband. Instead of school, they’d bring a packet of handouts with no instruction or guidance. One hour a day, I could go to the gym still isolated from my peers.

Pacing from one wall to the next and imagining I was one of the Hardy Boys was the only escape I had. I had nightmares. They kept the light on and woke us up hourly so you’d never get any good sleep. The only chance I had to talk with others was risking talking through the vents in the cells.

They never even offered to have me speak to a counselor or anything while in solitary, but therapy probably wouldn’t have worked for me anyway. I wasn’t going to open up to the people who put me in a cage.

When I left the youth center a couple weeks before school started, I immediately questioned the point of school. Solitary affected all my relationships. Friends and family who were close before just weren’t when I came back.

I went back to the youth center and ended up in solitary two more times in my teens. Older kids in the center attacked me. I fought back. At 17 I had learned that when you are in the youth center, you have to react to things like that.

I now have my own daughter and work with kids who, like me, were in the foster care system.

The kids in juvenile facilities weren’t born tough or angry. These kids were dealing with abandonment and depression and abuse. Lockdown brings out all these demons. You’re a kid, you don’t even know how to deal with normal emotions yet—then you’re sitting there by yourself, nowhere to go and every negative thing you’ve been told about yourself seems to be coming true.

Every time I look at the news, someone I was in jail with or someone I mentored is going to prison for life. They go to the system for correction—they go in as sheep—and they come out as wolves. If a factory pumped out a bad product over and over again, you wouldn’t blame the product, you’d go back to the factory and try to fix that instead.

It is tough revisiting the time I spent in solitary, but I share my story in the hope that you will work with the ACLU to ensure that a young person who needs help with their demons gets it – instead of being locked in a cage.

Read more stories of Nebraskans who spent time in solitary confinment when they were kids and sign our petition to take action.

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Jan 4, 2016
Peering through a food tray hole to see a youth in a solitary cell. © Richard Ross www.juvenile-in-justice.com
  • Smart Justice

Growing Up Locked Down

Photo of Lisa
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Lisa

Lisa was placed in solitary confinement in an Omaha psychiatric facility after threatening self-harm at age 14.  "The room had mesh over the window so you couldn't look outside. It was an empty room with a cement floor, just plain white walls. There was no mat, nothing in there with you--the room was totally stripped bare. When they closed the steel door, I'd hold onto the door jamb, trying to make it impossible for them to shut me in. Ironically, (because I was in solitary for self harm), I survived my time alone by just falling back on hurting myself. I'd bite my own cheeks and tongue, banging my head on the wall." Lisa is now a psychologist and mother. She works with young people with behavioral health problems, motivated in part by her desire to ensure no juvenile goes through what she did. "Being locked down alone just reinforced the unhealthy beliefs I already had, so I heard: "You're a freak, you don't belong in the world and you don't belong around other people." What are the facilities trying to accomplish? If it is to manage somebody's behavior so they don't harm themselves or someone else, it doesn't work--it just creates more isolation, anger and separation and hopelessness. We need to be cognizant of how many traumatic and difficult, violating experiences these youths have already had. Solitary just re-traumatizes them. Much of what was done to me was out of ignorance, not evil, but I want people to recognize that we can change things for the better." Read more stories of Nebraskans who spent time in solitary confinement when they were kids.
Dylan sitting on his porch outside of his home.
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Dylan

Dylan spent 10 to 12 hours locked away from other youth when he was 14 and in an Omaha psychiatric facility. He had admitted that he felt suicidal or self harming. In response, his facility put him in "the quiet room." "It was set up to be the definitition of insanity. Just the four white walls, the camera, the mattress. It was horrible. It felt horrible. It was more anxiety-producing because you're not talking to anyone. If you can't be lucky enough to fall asleep, then you have nothing and it's just waiting for the human being to come back to the door. It's so upsetting, you're along with your thoughts. No one to talk it out with. Not even a window to look out of." In order to avoid being put back into the quiet room, Dylan lost all trust in the system and changed his future interaction with staff: "So I learned to never say anything real after that to keep them happy. Even when I did feel terrible and wished I could talk about my depression or suicidal thoughts, I stayed silent." Read more stories of Nebraskans who spent time in solitary confinment when they were kids and sign our petition to take action.  
Jacob holding his daughter in the stairwell of their apartment building.
  • Smart Justice

Jacob Rusher

Jacob was a status offender who was put in the Douglas County Youth Facility on three occasions from the time he was 15 to 17. On each stay, he was placed in lockdown. His first stay in lockdown was “for his own good” because he had a broken ankle. What might have been a few weeks in lockdown turned into three months after he pounded the door and swore, begging them to release him—he was charged with “inciting a riot.” His second and third visits to solitary lasted over three months each and arose after he was attacked by older detainees who were gang members. Jacob received no therapeutic value from being placed in solitary confinement. He wasn’t regularly visited by a mental health counselor and says he wouldn’t have opened up even if he had been: “Therapy probably wouldn’t have worked—I wasn’t going to open up to the people who put me in a cage.” Douglas County had two forms of lockdown in 2008 during Jacob’s time there—one on a separate solitary unit and one in his normal cell where he could look out his window at his peers but not interact with them. "It was 23 hours a day alone, no TV or radio. You were in there with one book, a blanket, a mat and a toothbrush. No art materials, no hobby items—everything was considered contraband. No classes or school while on lockdown. They’d bring you a packet of handouts but it was up to you whether you wanted to complete it or not. One hour a day, I’d be taken out and I could go to the gym but I was by myself even in the gym. I developed a pacing habit. I still do it now. I’d pace from one wall to the next. I’d pace and pace and imagine I was in one of the books I was reading. Nighttimes, you’d get a little crazy. They kept the light on and would wake us up every hour to check on you so you’d never get any good sleep." Jacob now volunteers as a mentor for troubled youth and children in foster care. He wants to ensure no other child spends long months in solitary: "These kids weren’t born tough or angry. These kids were dealing with abandonment and depression and abuse. Lockdown brings out all these demons. And if you don’t know how to deal with demons—you’re a kid, you don’t even know how to deal with normal emotions yet—then you’re sitting there by yourself, nowhere to go and every negative thing you’ve been told about yourself seems to be coming true. Every time I look at the news, someone I was in jail with or someone I mentored is going to prison for life. They go to the system for correction—they go in as sheep—and they come out as wolves. If a factory pumped out a bad product over and over again, you wouldn’t blame the product, you’d go back to the factory and try to fix that instead."